The more time I have — the less “I get done”. I find this to be a challenging time. I love being busy and ‘on a mission’.
The ironic thing about my life is that the Grass is always Greener
(WARNING: this could be a really boring and predictable blog post!)
When i am traveling and capitalizing on opportunities that I create and/or instigate — I am fulfilled with the high of dynamic, exciting, high-paced, action-packed adventure
— shadowed by somewhat shallow connections with cool people who share my passion and blackened by my lack of stability and connection to people who “really know me”.
When i am ‘stayed put”‘(because i broke my back) I am enlightened by rest and recovery, loved ones and a time to reset and re-evaluate–
shadowed by my lack of connection by being away so much, darkened by my broken dreams of ” NOT getting married and having a family”.
I am mostly going to comment on my last 6 out of 8 climbing days , and only allude to the the last dozen out of months of slightly depressed days
I am SO LUCKY because my recovery has been great, fast, picture perfect. I climb a lot and I am not that far off where I would of been right now had i not broken my back. (except with my finances, you can donate at any time, ha ha!)
I have recently redpointed 12c (might get down-graded) and enjoyed multiple days of sunny limestone with friends,
with long approaches to sport climbing and the company of great dogs, like Ole:
and reliable climbing partners like Ole’s owner, Matt:
I also got out with a good friend, Rob Owens, on an adventurous route on Yamnuska. I survived the loose rock, run-out sections and spicy finish to Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’, despite making lots of noise while lead climbing (seems to be a trait I have inherited, learned and fully embraced when it gets exciting)
So other than planning a trip to Mt. Logan, followed by a full summer of guiding in the Rockies/Bugaboos and the Dolomites — I have also taken the time to connect with some loved ones like my sister, Erica (who is a little horse crazy) She shared her love of horses with me…
and my love of stand up paddle boarding when I am exhausted from climbing and getting to hang out with great friends like Carrie
I struggle with how to find the balance between being a broke passionate climber and a dis-illusioned mountain guide and single 40 year old woman who goes against the norms of society. It leaves me feeling lonely and anxious and wanting to run to the security of a ‘normal job’ and life. Thanks to my Grandma Olson for the following words of wisdom: (Not sure I can live by these words, but the sentiment gives me some comfort)
“Decide to be happy today, To live with what is yours. Your Family, Your Job, Your Business, Your Luck. If you can’t love what you like, Maybe you can like what you have, Just for Today, Be kind, cheerful, agreeable, responsible, caring and understanding. Be your best, dress your best, talk softly, look for the bright side of things. Praise people for what they do and don’t criticize them for what they cannot do. If someone does something stupid, forgive and forget. After all, its just for one day, who knows, It Might Turn Out to Be a Nice Day”
Great Grandma, Lillian Olson