As usual, my hopes were high for Rabenstein. Although I was really enjoying working on a route in Cogne called Jedi Master. But as my itinerary dictated, I needed to depart for another World Cup competition.
Basically, Rabenstein, should not be written up as an event in my life. If on any day of my life I fell off a climb 5 meters up into air, I would just get back on and have another try. It would not take up any space in my psyche.
But this fall holds the emotional turmoil of having traveled thousands of kilometers, trained for many hours, raised hundreds of dollars, representing women, Canadians, the old athletes, the fat athletes, mountain guides, etc. I fucking disappointed them all and threw away all that hard work in a matter of seconds.
Unfortunately, this “non-event”, is wreaking havoc on my ego. I desperately wanted to stay in Europe and climb a route that I am inspired by and send it. My ego doesn’t understand bad luck.
Bad Luck = losing your 60 year old dad in a car accident. My self-esteem took a 2 year shit-kicking from that event in 2006.
Why does bad luck = thinking you are a horrible person when you are not in control of all the variables?
I am climbing harder than I have ever climbed in mixed climbing.
Last year, I didn’t have any structured training and I got my best result at World Cup.
This year, I trained, put in tons of effort and got a very low ranking. It seems ludicrous; like a bad dream.
I recently stumbled upon (thanks to my sister, Erica) a woman named Kristen Neff who writes about Self-Compassion. I am only just scratching the surface of this fantastic concept that is a little foreign to me. *grin*
So again, I will share the highlights of my last weeks and take the focus off my failure.
1. Sending a route called Pink Panther M9 in Ueschinetal, Kandersteg, Switzerland. A beautiful venue in the Swiss Alps with an hour and a half approach.
2. Sending a route called le Zebra at le Zoo M10 (downgraded to M9 i think?) I really enjoyed sending this route on my 3rd try. Very rewarding for me. The video cuts out just after the second crux. I played on this route with Kendra Stritch.
4. And some pictures from Cheongsong, South Korea competition taken by Kendra Stritch.